I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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