standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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