I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
