Already got asked if we're dating
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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