I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize