the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
