i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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