I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
