I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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