Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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