you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You're completely useless in the revolution.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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