woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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