I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
