its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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