those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
