i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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