its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
