My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
