You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
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Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
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Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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