some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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