Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
