I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You're a waste of cheezeits
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
