Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
