saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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