Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
