Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
