You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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