I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
