We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
