Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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