Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
how can u be prego again
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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