If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
