I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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