There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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