i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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