White coat. Heels.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
