Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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