I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
