bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
