Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
