So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
