In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
