Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
