I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
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the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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