I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
