remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
