she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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