I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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