We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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