she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
