Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
