i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
