There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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