I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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