I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
