After last night, I could never be a politician.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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