Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
