I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
