She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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