I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
