He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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