Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
