Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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