I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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