Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
