Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
