I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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