I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
