Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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