I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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