Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
