Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
