and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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