Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
