The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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